Giving or Getting: The Season’s Suggestion

Come Christmas, and how do our preparations begin? List of gifts, tree decorations and X’mas movies, family time and bonding efforts. Think Sankranti in January, and again distributing til ke laddoo (sesame seeds sweets), warm blankets, and alms to the poor begins. So, whether in West or East, the emphasis is on helping others in different seasons, occasions, or festivals. Have you wondered why? Psychologically, when we are concerned about others’ rights, feelings, and welfare, we exhibit pro-social behaviour.

Have you ever raised your hand in class to join a new project? That is proactive behaviour, generally for own benefit of an individual. When someone gave you a shoulder to lean on, in turn, you co-operated with them in response—this is reactive behaviour. But whenever you shared your things or time with others without having any expectation in return, you exhibit altruistic behaviour, like donating fruits or food to the poor, or paying for the beggar’s tea and toast on a cold winter morning. Now, there is a never-ending debate about whether altruism and pro-social behaviour can be considered the same? Some argue that there could be a hidden agenda of becoming famous or improving their public image while helping the needy—then the purpose is not entirely selfless! I feel, the silver lining is that the haves are sharing with the have-nots, whatever be the obvious or latent purpose, right?

I am sure that each one of you has done something or the other for others which made you feel good, improved your mood, or reduced stress. Pro-social actions like those of Mr. Ratan Tata donating crores for fighting the coronavirus, or Mr. Azim Premji pumping in huge amounts of money to take IT education to the grass root level, show that greater psychological well-being, better physical health, and longevity are some of the positive outcomes for all involved. Rightly stated by Jackie Chan that “Sometimes it takes only one act of kindness and caring to change a person’s life.”

Nonetheless, what prevents a lot of people from taking action? Mainly due to reasons like fear of judgement that what if the other declines taking help? What if others retaliate? Additionally, diffusion of responsibility when the helper feels that since many are present, so they would extend help. An interesting research by Boothby and Bohns explored why people hesitate in giving compliments to others? Major findings revealed that sometimes social anxiety holds them back, assuming that the other person may feel awkward on being complimented. Further, concern over their own competence whether they would goof up with the words or tone?  So this recent research explores the impact of giving compliments. More often than not, the one receiving the compliment is happy with the warmth, rather than the words. So, the next time, go ahead and compliment others, “you have a beautiful smile”, or “ your work is indeed commendable”.

David Fryburg, in his book, ‘The Science of Kindness 101’ mentioned that goodness lies embedded inside so many of us, which may get relegated to the background due to the social, economic, technological or other challenges. But to help people realize their potential as a human being, we need to reconnect them by setting examples to see and emulate. By the way, have you watched the latest motivating Indian advertisement of Facebook relating to the selfless act of a young businesswoman during the pandemic? Do check it out. You will be driven to find ways to show kindness yourself, despite all odds.

The importance of being kind cannot be emphasized enough. There are so many ways to be pro-social. For instance, I feed the birds and street dogs each morning, or give positive vibrations to the world each day after meditating. Do let me know in the comments how you extend a helping hand to others? Just remember that every small act of kindness creates first a ripple, then a wave, which is beyond explanation. Spread cheer and live up to the Christmas spirit—the season is a reminder for us all.

- Rajavee Arora