The Truth of Lying

 

Have you noticed that while conversing, some of the people blink more than usual, or fidget unnecessarily, avoid making eye contact, touch their neck, tug the ear, or their vocal pitch changes? Were you able to deduce anything from such behaviour and body language? Generally, these are signs which indicate that a person is lying. Did it ever occur to you: does everyone lie? Why do people need to lie? Is lying difficult or easy? Are liars dishonest? Do people lie more to strangers or to loved ones? Do you think, ‘to lie is human’, is true?

Lying is definitely a form of deceiving others, verbally. The frequency of lying is normally 25% in day-to-day interactions—as per research.  This human social behaviour usually develops to avoid problems, evade responsibilities, or when one feels threatened or ashamed. Thus, to find a way out of such uncomfortable situations, a person tells lies. For example, when one is asked by the superior about the work progress to meet a deadline, he may lie that he has completed 90% of the work, whereas the fact may be that he is hardly midway through. He lied because he anticipated facing the fury of the boss, or being embarrassed by a lecture on being more efficient.

Types of lying can mainly be categorized as Compulsive Lying and Pathological Lying. When a person lies repeatedly, whether, for important or unimportant issues, it means they have developed the habit of compulsive lying. Naturally, when a person lies without any reason, it damages their reputation and the ‘wolf-wolf’ stigma makes them lose the trust of others. They get very lonely eventually. On the other hand, pathological lying is for a clear purpose. When a girl lies about her high social status to impress others and gain attention, it is an example of pathological lying. Pathological lying may also lead to a mental disorder,  known as Pseudologia fantastica. Both forms are quite manipulative. I presume that is the reason our parents forbid us from lying and teach us that honesty is the best policy since an early age.

 

Just look around and try to identify some other types of liars in your vicinity, in addition to compulsive and pathological. Occasional liars lie sometimes, but feel very guilty about it. The smooth liars have the dark talent of giving such a description that people find them fun to be around. On the other hand, you may have come across some individuals, who are least likely to lie, like never. For convenience sake, let us call them non-liars. They are the ones who score high on psychological scales of responsibility, and I believe they are ethically and morally strong. I must say they are rare, yet very much existent. I know of just one. Moreover, it is proven through various studies that depressed people also rarely deceive others.

Research reveals some more about lying behaviours and liars. Firstly, liars don't always fit the stereotype of caring only about themselves. Thus, you must have observed that some people lie for others’ benefit also. Secondly, extroverts or sociable people lie slightly more, especially if they are self-confident and physically attractive, and the probability of them lying increases when they are under immense pressure. Thirdly, some research findings show that a certain amount of self-delusion i.e. lying to your-self is essential to good mental health! But most psychiatrists do not agree about this relationship between mental health and lying.

I would like to share that when I attend Vipassana camp, we are made to observe the ‘noble silence’ which means that for 10 days in the meditation retreat we are not supposed to speak to anyone. Yes, mobiles are also not allowed. The main assumption underlying this rule is that if we won’t speak, we don’t need to lie, which is considered a vice. For a short duration, not speaking, not lying is possible. But let us understand that if someone close to you is a liar—the without-any-reason compulsive or motive-oriented pathological kinds—how can you help them overcome this behavioural problem?

In the case of compulsive liars, it is better to seek guidance from a Therapist, who will help them understand their condition and the impact that their lying has on others—in a professional way. Sometimes, such people may be detected with Bipolar or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), or the habit may have escalated to addiction too. Two, counselling from someone that matters to the liar, may help. Otherwise, the mental health professional may treat them in group or individual sessions, as in the case of couples counselling. Three, behaviour modification strategies such as role-playing may be used to bring about change and to track their progress.

 

So, the next time someone covers their mouth while speaking, or their gestures/facial expressions are a mismatch with what they are conveying, you know what it means even though they may not possess a growing nose like Pinocchio. I am sure after reading this blog, you may be able to categorize them in terms of lying, understand the cause, what it can lead to, if left unattended, and finally the possible solutions. This piece of reading may assist you in knowing and helping your own self.

- Rajavee Arora