Introverts are Successful too!

Whenever my parents attended a Parent Teacher Meeting when I was a child, I often heard my teachers appreciate me for my virtuous behaviour, but simultaneously add, “Oh! she is very quiet. Doesn’t talk much. Not very interactive. You must get her to speak more.” In the Primary School, I do remember Mom prodding me to raise my hand and speak up in class, to be assertive, get out of my shell or make more friends. Most teachers and parents are plagued with ‘extrovert expectation’. Does any of it sound familiar to you? Welcome to the Introvert Club, we comprise 25 to 40% of the population! Introverts are majorly inward-looking individuals who focus more on internal thoughts, feelings, emotions, instead of external motivation. And let’s get this straight that intraversion is just like any other personality trait—nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s definitely not a weakness to be overcome.

The shift happened when I was in Middle School. A teacher again complained about me being an introvert, and how it is important to be an extrovert to succeed, when my very lovely Mom cut in, “My child is an introvert, yet happy. She is unique and comfortable in her skin. Let’s not push her to become like someone else”. The teacher was left dazed, and so was I—pleasantly surprised. But for sure it was an incident which made me grow more confident.

 Years later, while studying the Big Five Personality Traits by Paul Costa and Robert McCrae, I understood that we introverts are essentially that class of reserved souls who are happier in solitude and are selectively social. I think, I never had more than two or three good friends at any point of time in school, or at the University. So, in my own room, in my own home, all by myself—I was joyous. Whenever parents insisted me to attend a party, the first reaction was cringing the nose, automatically modified to an artificial smile, and finally reconciliation with the status quo (good food was the saving grace, always). Starting a conversation, whether with fellow-flyers while travelling, or with other young adults at the Diwali-Eid Ball (the only extremely social event I was forced to attend in Bath), has been so cumbersome. Don’t get me wrong—I do not suffer from any superiority complex. It’s just that I savour the time saved in introspecting, and dreaming (a lot, honestly due to the “Piscean influence”!).

But I wouldn’t say I am a typical introvert—seem to dangle somewhere between high and low on the continuum—because when I make the effort to dress up for the social events I prefer, I do like getting attention and compliments, although I am definitely scared of being the centre of attraction. They say, ‘necessity is the mother of invention’; through the years I have learnt the art of schmoozing (a.k.a. small talk, not smooching,  get your head out of the gutter!) which I use as per the situation demands, but generally ends after exchanging pleasantries. Nonetheless, it would be a little far-fetched for me to say I am self-aware, but certainly, I am chilled out with all the time I spend with myself. Thus, the underlining fact is that we are hardly pure introverts or extroverts; we may have some characteristics of both and may qualify as an ambivert too.

And the good news is:  J.K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame, Bill Gates the great philanthropist, Warren Buffet the frugal investor, Mahatma Gandhi the Father of the Nation, Albert Einstein the genius, have all been introverts. This piece of information is like the delicious dessert which everyone looks forward to at the end of a lavish dinner. But wait, the cherry on the cake is a great personality, whom I had the good fortune of meeting in the Jaipur Literature Festival, who rose from a Fisherman household to the Presidentship of India was also an introvert. Yes, late Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam was an empathic, spiritual, soul who loved playing music in solitude, was one of the most respected and non-controversial politicians undoubtedly. I would conclude with the words of Carl Jung, the noted psychiatrist, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are”. I agree completely, as it applies to not just introverts, but all personality types.